He uses pillows to masturbate.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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