I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
