JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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