I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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