Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
