is wine microwaveable?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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