You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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