Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
