it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
