After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
