Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
