I think im going to throw up on grandma
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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