I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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