I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
