its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
