I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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