Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
