As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
