god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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