Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
