you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
