I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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