so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
