You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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