i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
