This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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