We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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