i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I've blown a few things in my day
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
