I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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