The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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