I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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