Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
