if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
