and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
