The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
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Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
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