My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
