Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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