Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
