a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
