We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
