the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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