have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He keeps bees of course he's weird
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize