He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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