I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
