I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
