so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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