You made me cry and you don't even care
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
