shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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