My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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