I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
