Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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