Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
