i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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