Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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