I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
