Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
