there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
