Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
