Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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