If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
