but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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