I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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