He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
