I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
