in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
