3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I will be naked everywhere
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
