Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
