Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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